This article was sent anonymously to the members of a police department property unit. It is based on a true story, but the names have been changed to protect the innocent (and the not-so-innocent). If "police humor" maintains sanity in a psychologically dangerous profession, then this is a very sane agency. One wonders if the author injured his or her tongue pushing it so far into the cheek.

Property removed from the Property Room, even though discarded, is still considered confidential. Some materials found in discarded property includes copies of police papers, reports, and property forms with names, addresses, and other personal information. Also included is information regarding officers involved in arrests or investigations. Ergo, the Property Unit Taskforce Recovery Identification Detail (P.U.T.R.I.D.) takes the task of disposing of such property quite seriously.

Said property removed from the Property Room is taken to Canyon Dump and is disposed of through a system known as "Special Handling." This means that after the property is placed at the dump, the P.U.T.R.I.D. personnel taking it there will remain until after the property has been covered up by a dump bulldozer. This is to prevent salvaging by anyone, including dump employees.

Recently P.U.T.R.I.D. received a tip from a URI (Undercover Reliable Informant) that property taken to the dump for Special Handling was being rifled through after P.U.T.R.I.D. personnel had left the area. Concerned with the possible repercussions of this act, a sting operation called Operation Dump Dudes was initiated.

Prior to the date of the sting, Bib Boss and Nasty Nick canvassed the area around the dump and found a point of advantage (Eagle's Nest). On the day of the sting, Bib Boss and Bashful responded to the Eagle's Nest to watch and videotape the happenings below.

Big D and Cowboy proceeded to the dump with a truckload of property to be dumped. Nasty Nick stayed close behind in a police black-and-white as back-up, while Sleepy stayed at P.U.T.R.I.D. headquarters so as not to bring any attention to the operation.

With Big Boss and Bashful at the Eagle's Nest, the operation was on. Big D and Cowboy rolled up very calmly and coolly and began to unload the property. They were met by one of the employees soon to be in the midst of the incident and asked what they were dumping and why. With nerves of steel, Cowboy explained to the curious dump worker that even though some of the items looked useable, that he still had to dispose of the property for legal reasons.

After the load was dumped, Big D and Cowboy stood and watched as the bulldozer moved the property from one place to another, pretending not to notice that the bulldozer driver was careful not to roll over any of the property. Big D and Cowboy then got into their truck and left the dump.

Half way down the hilly road from the dump, Big D and Cowboy pulled off to the side of the road to wait for a signal from Big Boss. Nasty Nick soon met up with the other two on the side of the road.

Bashful then called excitedly over the radio, "They're going for it. They put something in their pockets. Now one of them has a big bag of property, and is pulling it into the cab of the bulldozer. It's going down! Roll, roll, roll!"

With that, Big D and Cowboy took off up the hill, and with Nasty Nick rolling right behind them with red lights and siren as they skidded into the dump site. Quickly they took control of the situation. Both subjects involved in the crime against the good citizens of the community were detained for their inauspicious deeds.

Big Boss and Bashful climbed down from the Eagle's nest and soon joined the group as P.U.T.R.I.D. successfully shut down the dump mob. Operation Dump Dudes was a grand success, and the citizens can rest safely now, knowing that property for destruction is actually being destroyed.

For taking control and shutting down this dastardly criminal operation, we at the Police Department give special recognition to all the members of P.U.T.R.I.D.

Respectfully submitted, P.U.T.R.I.D. Incident Commander

Editor's Note: I wonder if they finished destroying the property, or returned it to the property room as evidence in the new case?